5 Things I Learned From Living 8 months In A Half-Way House
When I was 19 years old, I went to rehab for the second time. I stayed 30 days in an inpatient treatment center in Little Rock Arkansas. After the initial 30 days, I was supposed to be going back to college but I didn’t feel like I was strong enough yet. I wasn’t where I needed to be in order to avoid a relapse back into alcohol and drugs. I decided to move into a half-way house in Little Rock and really focus on getting my recovery strong.
I ended up staying in that half-way house for 8 months. That first year of getting clean and sober is still one of the best years of my life.
The half-way house was like the old, creepy house from the movie Fight Club. There were about 10 other guys living there and I was easily 15 years younger than any of them. We were living three to a room. I honestly can’t remember a more joyful and happy time of my life. Maybe it is because I was just stepping out of the hell of drug and alcohol addiction. Maybe it was because I was beginning a relationship with God. Either way it was awesome.
As I look back to that time of my life, I can see how much I grew and how much I learned. Here are five things I picked up from that season that I want to share with you today:
I. Structure Works
At the house, we had to make our beds, do our chores, and adhere to a certain schedule. That was probably the most structured and disciplined I have ever been. I wish I had kept all that up once I left. Even though I’m not on the same type of tight regiment, I can see how the way I keep my life structured now affects the way I feel and live.
When I start feeling low and things start getting bad, I can usually look around at my life and see how careless I’ve become. My spending is all over the place. I’m staying up all night and not getting enough sleep. I’m not praying regularly. I’m not picking up my Bible… things are sloppy!
I’m not saying that a perfectly structured life mean a perfect life, but for me, structure is super important if I’m to stay the best version of myself.
II. Friendships Matter
In the Church, we talk a lot about relationships. We program events and work hard to try and make relationships happen. I am learning that most people are very, very lonely.
What I experienced in that half-way house was something special. I developed some of the deepest friendships in my life.
I don’t think I have ever had so many great relationships at once.
I think it was because we were all going after the same thing together. We became brothers while we lived there. I have never really experienced anything quite like it since.
Today, I have to fight to stay in real relationship with the guys in my life. All of my old friends live far away and it’s a lot of work to develop new friendships. But friendships matter!
If I am going to be emotionally healthy and happy, I need to be known by the people I live around. I don’t need surface “relationships,” I need real friendships!
III. Everyone Is A Little Crazy
At the half-way house, I shared a room with a professional chef who had nearly ruined his life due to drug and alcohol addiction. He was a great guy, but he was a genuine, bonafide, neat freak. He would dust his side of the room every day. Not only would he dust his side of the room, he would shoot condescending looks my way and at my dusty half of the room.
We had another guy who was an ex-manager of a lucrative car dealership. He somehow got appointed as one of the housemen, or resident-leaders of the house, and he tried to make everyone’s life miserable. If someone was five seconds late past the curfew, he would lock them outside and tell them they couldn’t come in. He would also give “random” drug test to everyone who got on his nerves. He was totally insane when it came to his power in the house.
I learned in that year that everyone is a little crazy, but they are all crazy in different ways.
No one has it all together. There is usually an area or two for all of us that are totally wacked out. When we can learn to accept people as they are, and not try to change them or fix them, we can learn to laugh and deal with the weird stuff about their personalities.
IV. Our Weaknesses Are What Bind Us To One Another
I love social media. However, I have noticed that it has pressured me into propping up a version of myself that isn’t necessarily genuine. I am not as consistent and put together as I try and portray to the world. I imagine this is pretty normal though. We live in a culture that applauds our strengths and exposes our weaknesses. We want the world to believe our lives are as polished as our Instagram feeds.
I have learned that our polished facades make it harder to connect with each other.
When I encounter someone who seems perfect and polished, I don’t see someone who’s relatable; I see someone who I can’t imagine relating to. However, when I stay authentic with my fears, failures, and rough edges - I give people the ability to relate.
In the house, I had some of the most real and truthful conversations on the daily. Some of the stuff we would talk about and admit to each other would be unheard of in my normal life now.
Some of those guys are dead now. Some are in prison. It’s really sad what addiction can do to someone's life. I’m just so grateful for what God has given me.
V. Sleepwalking Is Real
I had heard that sleepwalking was real and had seen all the stuff about it in the movies. However, I had never seen someone sleep walk before.
There were rumors that one of the guys in the house was an intense sleepwalker. Those rumors ended up being true! One night, a bunch of us were in the living room watching tv, and this guy walks by mumbling to himself. We didn’t think anything of it, but he did it again. And then the did it again. Finally, someone piped up, “He’s doing it!!”
I wanted to see this up close so I walked over to him. It was real! He was dead asleep, just walking around, making laps around the house. I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to wake a sleepwalker, so I called out to him. He violently twitched and just crumpled to the floor.
He just kept sleeping on the floor! It was the craziest thing ever.
Sleepwalking is real.