This pandemic has been rough. I’m still shocked at how inconsistent I’ve been throughout it all. I’ve been full of faith as well as full of fear. I’ve taken some steps forward as well as some steps backward. I’m so grateful for the goodness and kindness that God shows me.

In the end however, Covid has turned out to be a gift. It’s given me something that I am very grateful for:

Self-awareness.

I truly feel like I understand myself a little better now. I’ve had the opportunity to view myself more objectively and come to a better understanding of what I need to be happy and healthy. Exercise, relationships, times of enterprise and creativity… these are things I knew I enjoyed, but I had no idea how critical they are to me being whole.

But above all, this pandemic has reminded me of who I really am: I am a revivalist.

It’s funny how you never realize you’re drifting from what matters while it’s happening. It’s only until those dramatic moments of clarity that you realize you’ve wandered. I feel God shaking me so strongly right now.

Why revival?

“Revival” is something that many of us have experienced and something that I believe we all should. It is impossible to define and impossible to make happen. Some people have been hurt by the people who lead it and others are skeptical of it altogether. But this is what I know about it: When I am am pursuing it, I am thriving. When I am personally living in that place of seeking and experiencing revival, I am the best version of myself.

This is where self-awareness kicks in. I am the most happy, healthy, whole, productive, and alive when I am where the Spirit of God is moving. I am the most sharp and present when I’m spending time in deep prayer and intercession. I am the most helpful and useful to God and the world around me when I’m praying and prophesying over friends and even strangers in public.

And for me, that truly is enough.

I know the world needs Jesus and I know that God desires to move in the nations. But if I’m being real, I need it too. I feel like I need it more?… That sounds bad to say but it’s how I feel. Apart from the Lord moving in and through me, I’m usually only consumed with my own stuff. I imagine we all are.

I am a fish out of water without the power of God alive in my life. I can’t do Church without it. I can’t do Christianity without it. I need Him! I need Jesus; this pandemic has been a gut-check for me.

I also have this nagging conviction that the things I’ve experienced and the things God has allowed me to see weren’t just for me. I feel a little like the servant who hid his talent in the ground. I’m not aware of anyone around me right now who is burning. No one seems to be pursing a move of God. I haven’t been in an environment like that for years .. but it’s no excuse. Things are starting to change.

It’s weird to step back into a place that I didn’t realize I drifted away from. But again, God is so gracious.

I’m excited for the things to come - what a time to be alive!